Managing Pain

      When people are faced with difficulty, at least most of those I’ve ever known, including myself, they wish it would simply GO AWAY, DISAPPEAR, VANISH, never to be heard from again.  Nothing is desired more, I empirically believe, than when you’re experiencing gut wrenching, on-your-knees, nerve-based physical pain that has the distinct possibility of becoming part of your life until you die.  In that moment, you suddenly realize that all the acute and chronic pain you’ve ever theorized about, perhaps even helped others to cure or tolerate, is REAL because it’s IN YOUR LIFE!   No longer an outsider to painful distress, you have the distinct opportunity of BEING the audience and the actor, the observer and the observed, fully involved, whether you want to be or not, not only for your own good but also for those around you.

      What I’ve learned from my own experience with neuropathy and back pain tells me there are a number of things you can do that are beneficial, especially if you are in a state of seemingly, unrelentful hurt.  But for these ideas and techniques to be personally worthwhile, you have to try them for yourself; otherwise, you’ll never really KNOW.    Here are the aids that have helped me:

a.  Identify pain as something you’re experiencing.  This keeps it in the third person, a position from which you can be objective and not wallow in or be swallowed by misery.  After all, there are people who have effectively confronted great personal challenges in life, such as the tragic, personal loss of life or limb and survived quite well.  For example, a carpenter who was in the hospital after having his leg amputated asked himself, “What can I do now that I couldn’t do before?”  He married his nurse!

b.  Don’t identify pain as YOUR PAIN.  Doing so drags you down even farther, and you are in danger of becoming consumed by what you’re feeling.  Depression follows as it seems like there’s no way out of this misery.  Be aware of the pain but not part of it.

c.  Be sensible, you may only be able to bring pain to a manageable level.  When our physical parts wear out, become irreparably injured, or more, we may have to accept that we’re always going to experience some discomfort, if not a lot.  This is the time in our life  where we really need to inform ourselves, see what’s possible, and be willing to test our will and capabilities—it could just be that we might be able to work our way through a great deal of the difficulty we’re facing.

d.  Listen to your doctor, and stay away from addictive pain relievers if possible.  Of course, don’t be afraid to get a second opinion; moreover, if your physician doesn’t seem to be satisfactory, fire him or her and take on someone who can help you.  I would also say that while you are using the services of a doctor, you should also investigate other ways to attain tolerability of the pain.  The best scenario is to have a medical doctor who is fine with alternative methods for controlling the ache you feel.  Stay in control of your care and never settle for a sole provider.

e.  Treat pain with compassion and friendliness.  A really good attitude is to approach this distress as if it were your favorite pet that is in a world of hurt.  Certainly, in that case you would remain reasonably calm, desire to take away the pet’s suffering, and care for it with the utmost of friendliness.  An excellent practice is what the Tibetans call “Taking and Giving”.  You visualize another person experiencing what you are, let that image of him or her turn from pain into smoke, breath it into your heart, imagine it transforming into a pure light, and with your exhalation, let it completely flow back to the person you are seeing in your mind, healing him or her in the process.  Repeat the steps over and over again, and you’ll be surprised by what you experience and learn.  Of course, it’s wise to maintain a positive and caring attitude while doing this exercise.

f.  Ask the pain what it’s doing for you.  Obviously, it’s there to serve an objective that it believes is in your best interest, and trying to communicate with it gives it respect.  When you ask its reason for existing in a calm and caring way, you just may be surprised at how it responds.  You may hear a voice, feel something, or see some images.  If it does respond, continue talking to it and negotiate, for it may simply want you to do something; for example, treat others in a friendlier fashion.  If you give it what it wants, it may provide  you some relief by being less insistent.  Experiment.

g.  Use humor and smile a lot.  When we laugh a lot, it doesn’t only help us forget about the pain for a few moments, it’s also quite therapeutic, for the emotion of amusement comforts the body.  Levity, moreover, overcomes and prevents depression and anger.  Smiling is also therapeutic, for when we smile, there’s a comforting, chemical change in the body.  Try it.  Just smile, slowly, and you’ll immediately experience a change in your physicality.  Almost always, it feels good.

h.  Anchor situations of peace, stability, patience, kindness, and unconditional love.  This is a process that comes from neurolinguistics programming (NLP), whereby you think of a past experience, go into it, feel it, see it, hear it, and then pulse yourself with your fingers about 10 times in a place on your body that is special to you.  Then you go back into the memory and do the same thing again about three more times; that is, until every time you touch the spot, you instantly experience what you did in the memory.  These actions create an anchor for instantaneous recall, an excellent resource you can collapse into the feeling of pain you’re experiencing.  When you bring the memories of peace, stability, patience, kindness, unconditional love, perhaps even stalwart reserve, gently not forcefully, together with the pain you are having, it’s most likely that you’ll experience a lessening of this torture.  I must, of course, say the technique of anchoring requires some experimentation to find out what helps, so it might be a good idea to find a therapist who is familiar with this process.  You can, in just a couple of sessions, learn how to do this for yourself.

i.  Use self-hypnosis.  Only twice in my life have I used this technique to deal with pain.  The first time was when I was bedridden for 30 days with severe back pain, and the second time was when I experienced several weeks of fairly severe discomfort with neuropathy in my upper right back and shoulder and right arm.  Thank goodness I had been trained as a hypnotherapist and thus gained an appreciation and respect for self-hypnosis, for it had taught me how to deal with two difficult situations and allowed me to sleep.  Excellent auto-hypnosis sessions for every imaginable problem are available for downloading from internet.  Find what works and use it again and again.  Remember, you are in control.  Nobody is taking control of your mind, for you are only following the hypnotherapist’s suggestions.  Your mind won’t cooperate with any instruction that runs counter to its beliefs.

j.  Do yoga.  This discipline is excellent, especially the relaxation postures, to support whatever techniques you are using to handle pain.  It may be necessary in the beginning to enlist the aid of a teacher who can help you establish the routine that works best for you, although I’ve found that it’s advantageous to develop enough discipline to practice without the aid of an instructor.  We also need to remember that with age and with the progression of any debilitation, it may be necessary to practice yoga anytime, anywhere, minus the assistance of a teacher.  Always be sensible in recognizing what you can do and cannot do.

k.  Use affirmations.  These are statements you say to yourself to affirm whatever you desire in your life—in this case, to deal with pain.  For example, “I treat the ache I feel as if it were a child in need.  I think kindly and listen to it with a gentle ear.  I place my hands of tender, unconditionally loving care on its brow.  I hold it in my arms with compassion.”  Experiment with different affirmations to find out what works best for you while knowing that it takes time for them to be effective.

l.  Do mindfulnsss meditation.  I highly recommend that you read all that is written by Jon Kabat-Zinn.  He’s one of the world’s most renowned experts for dealing with pain.  Two of his principal methods are yoga and mindfulness, particularly body sweeping, which I used while I was managing the down-on-my-knees, horrendous pain of intense neuropathy.  Mindfulness meditation works directly with the body’s energy.  However, if you’ve never practiced this method before, I suggest you find someone who is trained in it to guide you through its techniques.  Such instructions will serve you for life, even while dying.

m.  Find someone who can give you reiki or therapeutic touch.  This technique works specifically with energy.  My wife’s marvelous hands of reiki helped me to make it through the nights I was deluged with neuropathic pain.  Touch is a natural response to whatever area of our body is hurting, so we can even do this for ourselves.  Simply put your hand on the area of the pain, and imagine breathing through your hand into the hurt you feel.  Be patient and stay with it.  If you pay attention, you’ll find that pain comes and goes—it’s not constant although you really need to be attentive to sense this characteristic.  It can be very gross or extremely subtle.

n.  Use prayer.  No matter what your particular religious affiliation happens to be, do not dismiss the power of prayer.  Even if you have no spiritual beliefs, prayer works anyway, and in this case metta prayers are quite helpful.  For example, “May I quickly learn the lesson of what pain is teaching me.  May I find comfort through being mindful of the stress I feel.  May patience, compassion, and unconditional love flow through me.  May I change what I can change and have the wisdom to know what I cannot.  May I remain positive.”  Again, as with affirmations, experiment.

      

      Fully involved, working with the pain you are experiencing, and being completely attentive to what is happening will probably allow you to learn some of the greatest lessons of your life.  Even though the words of advice and techniques given above encourage you to take skillful action, you cannot substantially do anything REAL with the pain if you believe it is you. That was one of my greatest tendencies I had to overcome, and I believe that many others would say as much.  Moreover, in each of the painful encounters with which we have to deal, it’s best to accept them and ask ourselves to take advantage of all the knowledge we can gain from them, for it might not only help us now but also others in the future.  Such an attitude, in conclusion, lets us serve humanity until our last dying breath.

Everyday Kindness

We often hear some of our best teachers telling us to think of emulating the people we most admire.  I heard that early on but didn’t begin to give it much thought until I’d enrolled in the university.  Since then, I’ve realized that the people I’ve admired most in life were the kindest and most positive individuals I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.  Instead of being known for their “random acts of kindness”, the phrase we often hear and even commonly see placed on bumper stickers, they were more likely to be recognized for “everyday acts of kindness”.  While the former are quite wonderful, the latter represent the glue that makes life worth living”.

Here are just a few:

Speak kindly to yourself upon waking.  Just telling yourself things like “may you be curious today, may you be healthy, may you be happy” can take your mind away from the negative and place it on the positive. Although these kinds of statements are very simple, anyone who has sincerely practiced them will tell you they are open, subtle, and extremely effective if used consistently.  Experiment to find out what helps you begin your day in the best way.

Wish those who live with you well.  Although the other factors of kindness (compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity) come into play upon waking, now is the time to bring them to others.  This starts with attitude.  Truly wishing others well is something that people feel from you first, react to, and then think about.  If you are thinking “may you have a wonderful day” when you greet your spouse or children in the morning, it’ll be written all over your face before you even speak.  For example, when my old boss, Colonel Wackenfuss, came into the office in the morning, that wish was emanating from his whole being, and he left us for the better because of it.

Look for the little things that make others’ days better and do them.  At first, you may have to consciously practice this principle, and when you do, it’s best to intentionally complete these actions of kindness with no expectation of anything in return.  They have to be the purest of giving.  Then instead of expectation, it becomes realization, recognizing the feeling of satisfaction and learning that comes with such measures.  Perhaps you may remember a coworker or supervisor who saw you struggling to do something well, and just said or did the right thing that made everything come clear for you.  It wasn’t much on their part, but it made your entire day.

Listen.  This action may be the greatest kindness you can give anyone.  If you truly listen, then the qualities of kindness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity will be expressed by your attitude towards the person you’re with.  Within your manner will be the caring, focusing, appreciation for the person’s sharing and being, and equanimity that is most needed.  Think of this.  Why do people share their difficulties openly again and again with those they trust and respect the most?  It isn’t any wonder that they know they will be heard, left unharmed, and/or most likely given the help they desire, is it?

Thank those people, animals, and situations that give you difficulty—they’re your teachers.  Usually, we react negatively to confrontations, but if we take the time to observe the sensations they stir up in us and stay with them until they dissipate, we’ll see how they help us to experience more peace and  tranquility, develop a higher degree of self confidence, and a willingness to be more compassionate with ourselves and others.  The more we thank these occurrences, the more often we’ll respond to them positively instead of unconstructively.

Take advantage of the opportunities given you.  When a situation arises that gives you a chance to act kindly, seize it compassionately.  Don’t let the opportunity pass you by, for it will bring you regret.  Each time you’re able to act kindly, your capability to do so may also increase.  Being kind to others is being kind to you as well.

Treat yourself kindly upon going to bed.  Take this opportunity to review your day, and when you come across those experiences that still cause your emotions to arise, offer them the kindness of observation until they flow away into peace, or if they don’t, then be satisfied to let go and spend time with them another day.  Speak kindly saying something like, “May I thank the opportunities I’ve had today.  May I continue to act kindly in every way.”

Acts of everyday kindness really do help us to have a better life day after day.  We learn that taking positive mental, verbal, and physical action is applying the universal law of “what goes around comes around”, for we feel the benefits almost immediately.  If we practice this kind of living, we also realize that thinking, saying, or doing anything that results in committing harm comes back to us in psychological and/or physiological agony.  For example, even speaking ill to oneself, i.e., “Stupid”, is painful.  One might come to understand that for every act that ends in harm, we hurt ourselves first.  Isn’t it possible that instead of remaining addicted to the negative and continuing to commit acts that inflict ourselves with pain and sorrow, we could begin to replace them one by one with acts of everyday kindness?  Even one little action of such gentleness would be proof enough for many.  Just think, “Why not?”

Crossing The Bridge To Understanding And Compassion

      “The essence of your communication is the response you receive”, a principle I experienced long ago in a neurolinguistics programming (NLP) course, stays true with me today.  It tells me whether or not I’ve understood or been understood, been compassionate, or treated something with loving kindness.  It lets me know if my intention to do all of these things was carried out. Although at times it seems impossible or at least problematic, crossing the bridge to this level of understanding and compassion does improve lives.

      Stopping us, however, from making this transition with whatever we encounter in life are usually our thoughts and especially emotions like fear, anger, or disgust.  Mentally changing places with another who has treated us badly, for example, may be unthinkable or too much to bear.  After all, what might we experience inside that person?  Something ranging from almost nothing to that which might be extremely secretive and dark?  Whatever it is, many would rather look at it from afar or not at all.  Understanding such a thing theoretically is usually enough for them.

      In my own experience, however, I’ve learned that ignoring something which has concerned or upset me just puts off an inevitable, sometimes unfortunate confrontation with myself or another, so it’s better for me to deal with it rather than let it fester.  There’s a notion of “surrendering to the moment” in this experience.  For example, the other morning I woke up from some rather unsettling dreams.  After thinking about their tone and characters for a while, I decided to take the time to exchange places, i.e., put myself into the shoes of the personalities in the dreams.  First, I started with those that were less scary and then systematically went through the rest of them.  As I did so, there were some pretty amazing revelations which created a feeling of compassion for these characters, these parts of me, and I felt comfortably relieved.   I was glad that I’d dropped my defenses, admitted that I was afraid of these personalities, and investigated them.  Just taking a moment, however, and doing the same thing with a living, breathing person isn’t quite as easy, but it’s also possible and rewarding in what you understand and develop compassion for while maintaining a professional or personal relationship, or perhaps even gaining a new friend.  Though it’s much easier to start with dreams or some of the dragons we have in our memory banks while developing the courage and the experience to do it with others face to face, such as rebellious children or cantankerous neighbors and bosses!

      Moreover, the time we spend on the side of what scares, disgusts, or angers us, what we may even pity, can help us to feel some of our compassionate desires become true within moments.   For example, “may my heart become soft”, is a wish made by thousands in metta prayers (loving kindness).  It becomes a realization when you mentally change places with an indigenous woman holding her baby while begging on a sidewalk.  Why?  Simply because you feel and understand the truthful experiences of hunger and need in that person while also discerning what is not true.  The heart softens but does not become stupid.  Another metta desire, “may my words be pleasant to others”, is often realized as understanding lessens the desire to speak angrily with people who confront us.  And last, “may my actions be kind” frequently results when we understand, feel compassion, and act wisely to help others after having exchanged our self for theirs;  for example, giving food to the beggar instead of money.  Realizing that communication is a two-way street is something many of us have learned in classes.  Unfortunately, the part about how to cross the bridge to stand in another’s shoes probably wasn’t part of the lesson. 

      “That’s the rest of the story,” however, as the famous radio commentator, Paul Harvey, used to say.   If we want to be happier by developing true compassion and understanding, then we’d better be ready to make that trip.  Ignoring what puts us off today just delays the inescapable.  Peace and happiness evolve much quicker if we deal with life head on.  In conclusion, may you choose to journey to the other side, for it’s a true way to experience, comprehend and be kind hearted for what’s within you and facing you. 

Thoughts: Awareness - Insight - Action

      As we look around today’s world, especially those of us who are over 60, we see our planet’s inhabitants and natural resources in peril now more than ever before, and, quite rightly, it causes many of us great concern.  It’s downright discouraging to see what our children and children’s children are inheriting.  There’s an old expression that seems quite appropriate here:  wake up and smell the roses.  We can do something.  After all, the perpetuation of inhumanity, the destruction of the environment, the decimation of wildlife, and the intolerable wars, just to mention a few, need to give way to a new dawning of awareness, insight, and action. 

      In fact, if we, the majority of humans, weren’t entrapped by our own ignorance and grasping for self, we might be more interested in looking inside ourselves for the solutions we need in today’s world.  This introspection, if we take a tip from some of the most visionary leaders in history, is not unusual.  When faced with great adversity, they stopped what they were doing, became quiet, contemplated or listened for something in themselves, and then resolved whatever issue they were facing.  A good example of one who used such capability is Mahatma Gandhi.  Therefore, instead of doing what we usually do when confronted by real difficulty (looking outside of ourselves for the answer), we would be far better off if we took the alternative route of going inside.      

      Actually, if we were to look inside ourselves for the solutions we need in life, we might well consider using the methods of insight meditation.  Consisting of three basic techniques, it’s becoming ever more popular in our western world although it’s more commonly known as mindfulness practice.  First, we learn to heighten our ability to concentrate, which most people would agree is important.  For example, in tasks such as performing surgery, racing cars, making decisions, and taking professional exams, being able to focus is of paramount importance.   Next, we continually develop our skill in being mindful of our senses, thoughts, emotions, actions, and reactions.  Last, we practice loving kindness or compassion, first with ourselves and then with others.

      Ultimately, if we were to actually practice insight meditation, we might come to realize that none of us are independent of one another.  Although, as hard core individualists in western society, we may ask, “What do you mean that none of us are independent of each other?  Haven’t we all been taught to be independent—that dependent is almost a dirty word?”  Just think about it, though.  Hardly any country in the world has more than a 90 day food supply!  Don’t we rely on farmers and ranchers to provide us with our cuisine?  And don’t they trust us to pay them?  That’s certainly an interdependent relationship, isn’t it?  Such interdependence also stretches into transportation, clothing, housing, and other areas.  Moreover, according to our scientists, such as physicists, there’s nothing solid on this planet or in the universe and thus another reason for why none of us are independent of one another.  Is it any wonder then that such things as long distance healing, clairvoyance, and other forms of nonverbal communication exist.  It seems evident that we could begin to realize all sorts of truths if we dropped the notion that we’re independent of each other.

      Indeed, if we were to experience such a reality, we might begin to understand the true sense of humanity.  The more we practice insight meditation, the more it’s possible to realize that listening to and taking care of the suffering parts inside ourselves helps us to heal or recuperate our humanity.  With such an understanding comes not only a basic loving kindness for those parts of ourselves that need attention but also for those around us who are suffering.  Thus, we learn that true, compassionate acts can only begin when we’ve learned compassion for ourselves.  And in that act of extending loving kindness, we realize that others are no different than we are.

      In fact, if we understood this essential truth of humanity, we might commence to take many more acts of compassion in behalf of our fellow humans, animal brethren, and world environment.  Convening world conferences at the highest level to actually find ways from a position of inner peace to arrive at the same point with one another, and to help each other reduce the suffering among nations would begin.  Organizations like the United Nations might actually become real.  Cooperation between communities, states, and countries would develop avenues for eliminating the extinction and the anguish we find so commonly occurring in wildlife.  And worldwide projects would sincerely begin to save the forests and jungles, clean the air, and eliminate the deluge of waste found in our world’s oceans. 

      It goes almost without saying that if we were much more compassionate with our fellow humans, animal brethren, and environment, the level of suffering in this world would drop dramatically.  We would see the areas of the oceans now filled with refuse occupied by ships from all nations picking up waste to be used for something beneficial to humanity not yet discovered.    Taking sincere, benevolent action to rid world hunger, based on mutually developed plans between countries, would be accomplished without corruption, envy, or hatred.  The forests and jungles would begin to expand again while wildlife would be free to roam therein because no poachers or other types of illegal hunters would be there to kill them.  The dissipation of sadness, hatred, and anger would be self evident.

      Consequently, if the level of worldwide suffering via these actions dropped dramatically, the degree of happiness and compassion in and by humans for people, animals, and nature’s environment would rise dramatically.  Just as we experience peace inside ourselves when we are happy and well, our external lives would also undergo the same metamorphosis as a result of a non-harming world.  The level of fear we observe in wildlife due to humans would begin to disappear.  Stepping into a forest, one would hear the radiant songs of birds that are now so often nonexistent.  Children would be able to walk alone or with classmates to school again instead of having to be accompanied by parents, and women could walk peacefully in their neighborhood streets at night. 

      However, many of those who have never experienced real awareness and insight through meditative  introspection, after reading the above hypotheses, would probably say they’re a myth or wishful thinking and not worth carrying out.   And those of us who are seasoned in mindfulness practice and know the extreme challenge of overcoming ignorance and self grasping might agree on some levels.   On the other hand, we have an intimate knowledge of the value of looking inside ourselves, and we’ve felt motivated by small realizations, enough so that we’ve glimpsed just a touch of the truth that nobody is independent—that we’re all interdependent.  Thus, we continue on with the faith of realizing the complete truth.   As mentioned above, we know that if such a degree of happiness and compassion in and by humans for people, animals, and nature’s environment came about, this planet just might survive.   In conclusion, to support the realization of this dream, it makes sense to engage ourselves in reducing suffering while fortifying our efforts in this endeavor by cultivating an ever-growing practice in concentration, mindfulness, and loving kindness.

Saving Our Planet's Wildlife

      While humanity seems to have developed an affinity for its pets, a large percentage appears to care nothing for the world’s wildlife.  Rampant examples of such inhumanity abound worldwide in the poaching of elephants, gorillas, and rhinoceroses; the careless slaughter of small, wild animals; and the destruction of forests and jungles which are home to most wildlife.  It seems obvious that a majority instead of a minority of the world’s people need to make their voices heard if these creatures are to be saved.  However, if humanity’s awareness for the preservation of wildlife were to be enhanced, it would behoove us to deepen our own compassion and understanding for these creatures before attempting to foster such consciousness in others.

      For example, let’s start with a wild animal that fascinates us, raises a feeling of fondness within us, and gives us a sensation of joy whenever and wherever we see it.  In my own experience, it’s the family of gray squirrels that live in the wooded gorge not more than a hundred yards from my home here in Mexico.  Every time I leave the house for a walk into our little town, I’m pleased to see one of them scamper from the cornfield into the grove of trees that line the ravine.   The innocence, beauty and vulnerability of these small creatures touch me.

      If we were to accept the continued existence of the animals that cause us to feel such tenderness, then developing a deeper, more intimate relationship with them just might be what we need to become more vocal in their behalf.  Whereas doing something for these creatures on an external basis is fairly self-evident, humanity does not normally go about creating an enhanced level of compassion and understanding for them on an internal level, at least not directly.  Most people do not have the slightest inkling of how to do so.  But there is a way.

      It’s a valuable process that only takes a few minutes once you have become acquainted with it.  The first step is to calm yourself down by focusing on your breathing for a few minutes.  Just focus on the air going in and coming out of your nostrils or the rise and fall of your stomach.  Then once you have developed a bit of tranquility, visualize the wild animal with which you wish to establish a deeper bond.  Focusing as much attention on this creature as you possibly can, imagine that you exchange places with it.  You mentally transfer your consciousness into its body, and then you turn to see what was yourself with its eyes, you feel what it feels, you hear what it hears, you smell what it smells, you taste what it tastes, and you also imagine that you sense its emotions and mental processes.  Furthermore, maintain this experience for as long as you can do it comfortably and for as often as you wish.

      In this way, you can begin to develop an intimate knowledge of this living being.  When I’ve done this process with my four-legged neighbors, the gray squirrels, I’ve experienced their fears and vulnerabilities.  For example, how frightened they are of the humans around them, the dogs that chase them up the trees, and the errant hunters that have killed members of their family.  I’ve sensed how difficult it is for them to safely forage for food in the cornfield on the other side of the country road from their home in the gorge, and the pain of the hunger they’ve felt when they haven’t found enough to eat.  Yet, I’ve also intuited the happiness they’ve experienced when they’ve been together as a family, safe in some hidden nest among the trees of the ravine.

      Throughout this process, it’s quite essential to open ourselves and let certain factors flow and grow collectively within us.  If we’ve ever had any loving kindness for our animal friends, then we’ll probably focus on the creature of our attention as if it were a small baby or child.  When we experience its fears, we let our compassion comfort it.  Because we understand its happiness while it plays with its family and friends, we take joy in its freedom to do that.  During the whole time we’re involved in this exchange of self for another, we maintain and let our equanimity nurture, even if we think we’re imagining everything and it could be a silly thing we’re doing.  Finally, given enough patience, we just might begin to feel greater compassion and understanding for our animal friend; perhaps, even enough to send it some loving thoughts, such as:

            May you be free, safe, and happy.

            May you always find the food you need.

                May you continue to have a home in which to nest.

                May you have the love of family every day.

      Developing a greater feeling of compassion and realization of understanding for animal life, as I’ve said above, can be quite beneficial in helping other people to raise their awareness for the need to take an active hand in conserving the animal kingdom that exists on planet earth today.  Also, if we’ve been cognizant of the above practice, perhaps, we’ve realized the value of appreciating wildlife through the four step process called loving kindness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity.  Moreover, we might have gained the understanding that when one becomes involved on an internal as well as an external basis with our animal friends, we really begin to experience just how important these creatures are to the balance of nature, including all of humanity.  In conclusion, attempting this way of thinking and processing just might not only change our life but the lives of so many beings that are extremely vulnerable to the current direction of the world.

Meditation Without Beliefs

       I'm convinced through life experience that most people I meet want their lives to be better, especially happier and more peaceful, and that many of them look for ways to do that, usually through means that are more external than internal.  Many avoid or shy away from almost any internal method they hear about for achieving happiness and tranquility simply because it might require accepting some belief.  They often see people who, indeed, seem to have really experienced these life fulfilling objectives, but still they hesitate because they're suspicious of some hidden gimmick or belief that would entrap them.     
      After all, most of us who have reached adulthood and then some have answered the door to find people promising happiness and peace if you will just buy into their particular religion’s beliefs.  Even well-intentioned relatives, friends, and acquaintances invite us to experience their spiritual practices.  But if we’re satisfied with our religious tradition or just don’t want to try another one, we do our best to tell them “no” politely and then change the subject or close the conversation so they’ll leave our home.  All the while, however, we would still like to find something simple, a practice or technique or process not requiring us to accept any belief but offering the opportunity to find our own way to more happiness and tranquility.  I was one of the lucky ones to find such a practice with meditation many years ago while I was studying for a bachelor’s degree at the University of Nebraska at Omaha.

      I was in a psychology class taught by Dr. Gordon Becker, a clinical psychologist, and one of the objectives was to write an essay on a subject that had been presented to our course group by one of the presenters who had visited our class.  Just recently, one of the economics professors in our university, Dr. David Shultze, had made a presentation on meditation, which interested me, and extended an invitation to the students in our class to visit his group on campus.  He had also indicated that meditation didn’t involve accepting any beliefs other than just trying the techniques to find out if one experienced any beneficial results.  Nor were any of the techniques of silent meditation deemed a religion.  Since I was one of those people who wanted my life to be happier and more tranquil as well as to have material on which I could write a paper, I decided to take David up on his invitation.  During the following week, I participated in his group, benefited from the forty-five minutes of silent meditation I learned to practice, and found there were no beliefs I had to accept.  Consequently, I wrote the paper and continued to attend his group because I had felt some of the peace and tranquility I wanted in my life.

      Ever since that autumn evening long ago in 1975, I’ve been practicing meditation without having to accept any beliefs and my life has become progressively happier and more tranquil.  Have there been absences from the practice along the way?  Certainly, and they’ve helped me to experience the loss of contentment and peace I needed to return to my practice and  to attend meditation retreats, study, and read to improve my ability to continue opening to the insights that  come my way.  I’ve practiced and studied with various meditation groups.  None of them have ever done anything more than try and help me in my own training while reinforcing the fact that nothing is to be believed unless you experience it to be true for yourself.

      As a result of my familiarity with meditation over the years, some things have become very clear to me.  For example, I’ve learned that one can continue practicing his or her chosen religion while carrying on meditation; in fact, it may very well improve one’s experience of spirituality in his or her faith, whether it is Protestant, Catholic, Judeo, or Buddhist.  One’s ability to focus, for instance, while praying, singing, or chanting may be enhanced.  Furthermore, your compassion to act in reducing the suffering of others may well be increased.  One of modern day life’s best models for working compassionately day in and day out, Mother Theresa, upon being asked how she prayed, responded by saying that she just listened.  When the reporter heard this reply, he asked her what she meant, and she told him that if he didn’t “know”, then there wasn’t any way she could explain it to him whereby he would understand.  However, anyone who practices mindfulness meditation would know that her method of praying was closely related to the technique of focusing on silence.

      Another insight that has come to me through meditative experience is respect for all life, specifically that of not harming other living beings.  I’ve learned that such a realization is not an idea but a “knowing” that one feels internally, throughout his or her core.  Whereas I grew up on a farm and was accustomed to killing animals such as chickens, rabbits, squirrels, pigs, sheep, and steers for food and later on had a career with the United States Air Force, I wasn’t prepared for the revelation I was about to experience during a meditation retreat in 1992. 

      Having gone outside to walk one day after lunch, I discovered myself to be automatically stepping over an army of ants crossing the path on which I was walking.  It was such a surprise to find myself doing that, for I’d never really cared anything about the life of insects before that occasion.  Moreover, if I’d stepped on them or not, it wouldn’t have mattered to me, but now I saw that it did and deeply so.  Since that time, I’ve found it really difficult to see anything being killed by others and have felt deep regret for the slaughter I’ve committed of helpless animals and insects in the past. 

      Furthermore, other things have occurred in my experience through the years to promote better happiness and tranquility as a result of practicing meditation without beliefs.  Whereas I used to become quite angry over things going wrong in my personal and professional life, this emotion seldom overwhelms me now.  Second, I find it much easier than ever before to let go of the inconsistencies that come up with English language students—what a relief!  Next, I find it rewarding to take more time to think through whatever I’d like to do before taking action.  Fourth, I’m much less ready to confront another person than I used to be, and when it’s necessary, I find myself doing it with a lot more tact, having already placed myself in his or her shoes.  Last, but most importantly, I’m much more consistent in personal relationships which has not always been the case.

      In conclusion, what has really made a difference in my life, as mentioned above, has been the practice of concentration, mindfulness, and loving kindness in meditation sessions.  Moreover, I’ve integrated them into my daily affairs and not just left them on the cushion as so many people, who don’t meditate, would probably think.  Also, one of the aspects of meditation that I really love is that it’s like the exploration of inner landscapes—you just never really know what you’re going to discover next.  Learning and employing meditational techniques does not mean blindly accepting the beliefs of any tradition; rather, it’s using what you “know” as a result of practice to function more happily and tranquilly in your everyday life.  It’s a demonstration of common sense.  One doesn’t have to become a Buddhist to improve your life through the use of meditation; even the Buddhists might prefer that you didn’t!

Where Kindness Truly Lies

      “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” so goes the golden rule, but do we really understand what the second part of that statement means?  Or should there also be a guideline that states “Do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you”?  Some might say that sounds selfish whereas others may comment that it expresses merit.  Although many of us have been taught as children to be “good” to others, the “kindness” factor, the “Do unto…,” somehow seems lacking in that teaching; however, as adults, we learn through practice and experience that being kind is a priceless and not so simple skill.

      There are, after all, certain qualities in “being kind” that not only include the idea of “being good” but also go beyond that notion.  For example, there’s the aspect of protecting oneself and others unconditionally just as an expectant mother would do so out of love for her baby.  Another characteristic of kindness is compassion, an attitude of preventing suffering.  Then as we see a part of ourselves or others change from being fearful, for example, into being confident and resolute, the kindness aspect expresses a feeling of appreciative joy, just like a mother praises a child’s achievements in life.  A fourth quality in being kind is treating the experience of life’s difficulties with equanimity; that is, not reacting but waiting until our feelings settle into a level that can be managed and then responding to what we’re facing appropriately with clarity, wisdom and nonharming.  Patience, an aspect of equanimity, is greatly involved.  One final characteristic of kindness must be spoken of here, and that is forgiveness.  It means that in being kind we approach all the difficulties we are feeling with the attitude of giving up the suffering of anger and resentment wherever it abides.

      Consequently, just as we find that in taking care of our health as a first priority for the sake of ourselves also takes care of others, should it not follow that treating ourselves kindly needs to be a top priority?  Many of us have heard and experienced the saying that “what goes around, comes around”, and in the case of being kind to ourselves, it may apply far more profoundly than we know.    When we feel, for example, peace within ourselves as a result of approaching our feelings of difficulty with all the aspects of kindness, it often radiates out to those among our family, friends and colleagues when they are experiencing life’s problems with us or others.  It’s certainly much easier to interact with them from a feeling of peace.  Random acts of kindness,

part of the saying we so often hear and see, comes from the understanding that grows from practicing this level of friendliness with ourselves.  For example, a woman in a hospice grief support group I was facilitating in San Antonio, reported that one day while she was feeling a great need to be “listened to”, she found another person on a bus also suffering from sorrow.  She expressed her kindness by “listening” to that person and thereby experienced a temporary respite from her own grief.  Just in giving “an ear”, she received what she so desperately needed on that day. 

      Finally, as we lie dying, may we not truly enter and embrace that state of our life with kindness instead of aversion and all of its emotions?  As many experts in death and dying say, we feel our life’s forces leaving us one by one, and as they do, approaching the fearful feelings we might have with the practice of kindness could offer us the comfort, wrapped in compassion and unconditional love, we desperately need.  Leaving our loved ones behind would not, perhaps, be enveloped in feelings of abandonment but a sensation of affection, whereas any anger and resentment for so-called enemies would have evaporated.  And all the while we lie dying, the degree of equanimity we would have developed over the years could hold us in a state of confidence and resolve to let nature take its course, even letting us approach it and what comes next with an attitude of curiosity.  Any regret for not having attained what we wanted in life might also have been released.  Truly, the dying process is the final test of kindness, for we also have an opportunity to be a model for others. 

      Learning, therefore, the priceless skill of “kindness” does include and goes quite beyond the idea of “being good to others” that many of us have been taught as youngsters.  We understand through our felt experience that using its characteristics in being kind to ourselves first before others makes it a top priority for being kind to others while living and dying.  Our world’s leaders would do well to learn the empirical lessons of kindness to oneself before attempting to negotiate peace with others.  In conclusion, if we truly wish to experience peace and happiness in our lives, we should try “being kind” to ourselves first.