Have you ever had the
feeling that you’ve just BEEN BLINDSIDED? Well, that’s what living life on automatic usually
does for you, doesn’t it? You know,
“doing everything on the run.” Don’t
worry, you’re not alone. Millions of
others do the same! But have you really
thought about what stops you from finding a better way?
For starters, it could
be that ignorance is the case; however, it certainly isn’t blissful when it
costs you what matters the most. Many of
us have seen others get promotions, especially people who have continued their
education and taken the time to find out what else they need to boost their
careers. Second, ignoring your health
instead of staying fit makes for good conversations in the hospital or
recuperating at home, doesn’t it? Not
paying attention to your family while keeping your eye on the ball at work six
and seven days a week might also be the reason for the empty home you live in
now, right?
Of course, it might also
be that YOU JUST DON’T HAVE THE TIME. Yeah, we’ve all heard that one…until work
gives you the opportunity to travel or do something else equally exciting, and
then you have all the time in the world, don’t you? That’s just a small indicator of your real
power because the truth is you choose how you use your time. So it’s no secret that you tend to pursue what
you prize the most, even when some of those priorities may be destructively set
by your subconscious mind, remaining largely unknown to you.
Last, it could be that the
solution you’re offered to a better life sounds JUST TOO FAR OUT OF THE NORM for you to consider, right? I mean, after all, what would other people,
especially your family and friends, think of you if you tried it? Of course, it might even be surprising that
some of the most successful people you know or admire do it, something you
don’t find out until after they die!
Such a practice might even have been the reason why they were so well liked
and successful.
Looking at some of the
major causes for why you fail to find a better way to avoid the problems you experience in daily living is a little hard to
accept, isn’t it? But don’t worry, it’s
easy to go on pleading ignorance, saying you don’t have the time, or the
resolution is just too far out in fairy land for you to try. Or, maybe not, especially if you’ve had all
you can take. The key, although
challenging, might be interesting and delightfully different than what you
expect; even practical and rewarding from the get go!
Successful
People
Finding a way out of the mess into which you’ve
gotten yourself means taking a look at what the successful people do that
you’ve observed. And I’m not talking
about the ones who just do it at work, but those who really have a balanced
life between their occupation, family, and personal endeavors. Characteristically, people seem to be drawn
to them, they’re not difficult to be with, they listen, they seem to inspire the best in
others, they have time for family and friends, and their decisions always seem
to make good sense. They’re the kind of
people you want to be with during an emergency. They don’t have to be negative or use force to
get what is necessary carried out. Perhaps,
you’d even like to take a closer look at what helps them to be someone you’d
like to emulate.
First, they don’t seem to jump into a decision. Even in emergencies, if you could observe
them carefully, you’d see that they still take a moment to go inside
themselves. And that’s the point. They’re intimately familiar with what’s in
there. Becoming aware of their emotions,
thoughts, and feelings before they choose an appropriate action is something
they seem to do almost automatically. For
example, I saw this quality in Edwin Wockenfuss, one of the best leaders for
whom I’ve had the opportunity to work.
The decisions he had to make went from the very mundane to those of life
and death. People would follow him
anywhere.
So what would he or others like him do once they had
taken a moment to check themselves? They
would attempt to maintain or reestablish a level of equanimity appropriate to
the situation they were facing. Balance
was essential to themselves and others around them. To the naked eye, they were firmly in control
of the element of life they were facing, whether it was routine or otherwise.
Moreover, especially when a problem was difficult or
serious, taking time to contemplate the situation and the appropriate action
would be commonplace among these people.
They would often withdraw to their offices, take a walk, or sleep on
it. When they came back with a decision,
it was clear and very capably carried out by the decision maker and his or her
people.
Certainly, the examples I’ve given are of exemplary
leaders reflecting on their feelings, emotions, and thoughts, assuring a
functional level of equanimity, contemplating to see their way to an
appropriate action, and carrying it out with the help of their people. But this could also be observed in what they
did with their families and personal lives.
Applying their actions to yourself in the parts of life most important
to you would be quite suitable. And
that’s the sticky point, isn’t it? While
some people seem to be naturals, others have to learn and mold themselves to
these behaviors over time.
Training
Thus, it becomes a question of finding the training
you need to acquire these talents. So
where do you go, where do you begin to look?
Do you find these abilities taught at our universities? No, not usually. The answer is that you customarily have to
look for such instruction outside of traditional institutions of learning. Expecting their professors to teach you how
to gain any competency in the skill of mindfulness for daily life may be
well beyond what they instruct.
Instead, you should look for this training in
non-traditional places. For example,
internet is a good place to start. This
source gives you the locations of numerous groups that generally meet in local
cities and towns. Just go to google and
type in “Inquiring Mind,” and you’ll find all kinds of groups and
contacts. (And don’t be afraid of the
word meditation, for mindfulness is one of its techniques.) These people will be quite helpful in getting
you in contact with teachers, materials, and other people practicing
mindfulness.
Sitting down with the leader of a small group is
certainly a preferable way to start.
That’s what I did with David Schulze, an economics professor who taught
at the University of Nebraska at Omaha in 1975.
After Dave guided me through a basic session, I knew that I’d found the
beginning of something that would help me through the ups and downs of life,
and more than 35 years later, I can certainly say that it has. Thus, if you find that a small guided session
with a qualified teacher offers the slightest notion that mindfulness training
would be helpful, then it’s certainly worthwhile to continue with the local
group. Later on, if you’re experiencing
more benefits, then participating in a retreat would be a viable option.
And I can’t begin to emphasize strongly enough, how
important it is for you to learn to take mindfulness training into daily life,
letting it become the tool that is used to check your internal self, attain or
maintain equanimity, contemplate an issue momentarily or at length, make a
decision, and take appropriate action at work, with the family, or in personal
pursuits.
Conclusion
What I’ve described in the above paragraphs is not a
walk in the park. It’s a journey. As such, it contains all the ups and downs
you find in life until your very last breath.
You’ll appreciate the equanimity that carries you through difficulties
and the clarity that contemplation offers in seeing your way to effective
decisions. Getting to know the
dysfunctional thoughts, feelings and emotions you experience as opportunities
for learning and growth, you non-reactively observe them as your ever-growing
level of concentration directs your laser-like attention into transforming them
from liabilities into assets. And,
finally, you’ll begin to describe ideas for conventional life that you and
others like family, friends, and colleagues can clearly see and use for living
successfully every day. There’s nothing
like making a difference, is there?
