Benefits of Loving Kindness Practice for Aging Wisely

      Going through the stages of aging is a challenge for all of us and one that we’re willing to make, but we’d probably like to do it a bit better than we are.  If we’re fully engaged in this process, then finding some tools or techniques to help us is a priority.  We’ll locate others willing to share useful information and teach us the skills associated with it when we really investigate our options.   For example, as the tools of concentration and mindfulness help us to focus on and hold arising and passing fearful thoughts, emotions, and feelings under a laser-like gaze, they are combined with the valuable technique of loving kindness.

      

      Resulting from this process are some benefits that make it particularly important for those of us who wish to age wisely.  First, the approach of loving kindness balances and softens the outcomes of concentration and mindfulness.  This can be quite helpful since they often uproot some difficult, unresolved emotions or feelings, which may take time to process.  Next, being kind to ourselves can overcome the feeling of isolation.  Such a benefit, for example, offers a hand of security to people who are alone after having lost a spouse or someone else dear to them.  One sleeps better and awakens more easily with fewer fears if he or she feels the comfort of not having been abandoned.  Third, when we become committed to the force of loving kindness, then people know they can trust us.  Obviously, this makes it easier to have more friends and loving relatives who come to visit.  Next, as we sincerely progress in the use of this technique, we begin to notice a facial radiance, peace of mind, smiles and good humor that weren’t there before.  Life gradually starts to show us new possibilities, and we find ourselves adapting to the stages of aging, having become a bit wiser for our efforts.  Finally, we begin to embrace life in ways that were not possible before, even seeing the goodness in others and finding that in return.  Compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity have, for example, now made it into our lives.  How wonderful!

      

      Combining loving kindness with its accompanying techniques puts a beneficial, balancing, and softening cap on a useful practice for people in the stages of aging.  The emotions, feelings, and thoughts that once seemed to hold one’s life captive have now become manageable.  And we begin to see how some of the properties of loving kindness, such as compassion, may be extended in additional practices.  In conclusion, we may realize that the employment of concentration, mindfulness, and loving kindness is not only quite useful but also beneficial as a complete program for wellness in growing older and wiser.  How satisfying that would be!

Benefits of Mindfulness Practice for Aging Wisely

      While there are many benefits that result from routinely practicing concentration, another technique is needed to permit us to grow in using the wisdom to which we open as we age.  Such a means is essential for living a happier, more joyful life as a senior even as we’re serving others.  It helps us to witness the truth in our experiences, and it leads us to a certainty in aging and changing that meditative practice aids in seeing through our problems and difficulties to find new ways to solve them. Therefore, as we go through the stages of the aging process, from recognition to coming to terms to adaptation and appreciation, it’s possible to benefit from partnering concentration with mindfulness practice every step of the way.

      For example, this valuable method lets us pay attention to whatever we direct our mind to focus on, i.e., the body, the feelings, and the mind.  As we start to undergo the first phase of aging, it has often hit us as if with lightning.  This is where we begin to experience the real benefit of mindfulness practice, for it takes the initial shock, fear and worry and starts to transform them into peace and tranquility, whereby we observe without being lost in various mind states.  By the time we’ve passed into the adaptation stage, we may have seen mindfulness turn physical and mental pain into something tolerable.  We now know how to use this technique like a medicinal therapy to resolve other obstacles related to growing older.  It’s helped us to realize insights that are not only useful to us but also to those around us, showing how to let go of our attachment to impermanence (things, people, ideas, etc.), while staying in the here and now.    Finally, by the time we’ve moved into the final phase of growing older and wiser, we’re feeling a great deal of satisfaction for the journey we’ve had through life, we’re knowledgeable of how to rest in awareness and let go of the tentativeness of this identify as we make the final transition into death.  Oftentimes, many of us would not want to go back to our younger days, even if we could, due to the support of mindfulness in getting to where we are now.  We feel a vast amount of appreciation in life for the wisdom we’ve experienced and what we’ve accomplished in the service of others.

      On the other hand, many of us have seen and been part of the journeys experienced by seniors 50 and over failing to complete the stages of aging wisely.  This was, in large part, because of not knowing how to practice mindfulness but also choosing to deny its validity.  Instead, they went through a lot of unnecessary suffering.  For example, when they began to notice they were aging, they started complaining.  As they continued to age, their worries and fears persisted in accumulating, and many of them became quite depressed.  When they passed away, they often did so in desperate situations, crying out in loneliness and hopelessness, sometimes quite angry and horrible to family and others taking care of them.  It was not only tragic to those suffering but also to others who observed and wished for a better way to leave this life, fearing they might also have to endure what they were seeing.

     Therefore, as we’ve seen above, partnering concentration with mindfulness practice benefits our progress through the aging process.  It allows us to focus like a laser beam on what’s important, observe without getting lost in the presenting issue, and realize some peace and happiness while seeing the truth in the experience; on the other hand, seniors who don’t take advantage of using mindfulness sometimes fail to complete the stages of aging and die horribly.    As for those who have prepared themselves for getting older, they usually anticipate it with a frame of mind decidedly more positive than those who have not involved themselves with such meditative practice, one that is easily taken from the cushion or chair into daily living.  In conclusion, if one needs additional information to more seriously consider what is being said here, I suggest that he or she go to places where older people are suffering and contemplate the truth in their external circumstances and aging process.

Benefits of Concentration Practice for Aging Wisely

Sometimes it takes a lot to take us out of our youthful, automatic approach to living and wake us up to what is consciously going on in our lives.  We may or may not be shocked by what we see as the onset of getting older, but it could motivate us to look for some assistance to cope with its unrelenting changes. While the art of focusing our attention on an object, such as the breath, does help in the four stages of aging, perhaps it’s most beneficial in the first.

After all, the earliest recognition that we are aging has probably occurred because of some physical or mental alteration in our lives, which certainly can be gradual but is oftentimes like a bolt of lightning.  It follows, then, that the initial benefit of a concentration practice, if we have it in hand, is to help us regain our stability after such a shock.  For example, if we’re experiencing high blood pressure, focusing on something as simple as our breathing, will assist in restoring it to something closer to normal.  If we’re going through pain, concentration will serve as the foundation for other practices that will make it more tolerable.  Through all of this we begin to realize a sense of space in which we might enjoy some rest and temporary peace.  Moreover, we’ll have gained a greater awareness over what’s going on with our physicality. Secondly, we’ll be giving ourselves a window of opportunity to regain and increase our mental clarity.  We will begin to see ourselves in a different light with less and less confusion and ignorance.  We’ll realize the value of the foundation concentration offers to the next meditative step, mindfulness, which permits us to explore the different levels of awareness within us.  We might even experience the value of silence in reducing harmful speech.  Our ability to “interbe”, the level of communication we have between our inner and outer being, may also become enhanced, thus, creating a balance not previously experienced.  And all the while, we might discover we can be of service to others who are also experiencing the initial stages of aging.

Obviously, using the enhanced version of what we used to think of as “counting to 10” or “taking three deep breaths,” before responding to a stressful situation, has become a lifeline right from the initial shock of what caused us to recognize that we’re aging.  Much like me, who woke up in the middle of the night a few months ago feeling uncommon stress in my chest, we’ve experienced one or two of the benefits of practicing concentration within the first few minutes.  Moreover, taking a walk in nature becomes a joy due to our increasing ability to focus and sincerely take gratitude in its beauty.  In conclusion, most people, who have truly experienced the initial stage of aging and begun a concentration practice, will continue, without a doubt, to enjoy and expand its infinite value in daily living.  And you?

Skillful Means For Everyday Living

      As adults in our middle and senior years, we sometimes find ourselves facing stressful obstacles in our personal and professional lives.  Our jobs are threatened by the world economy, our relationships are pushed to the limits by outside influences, and our time is increasingly saturated by an artificial environment instead of the nourishing surroundings of nature. Physical exhaustion, mental confusion, and emotional trauma frequently result. We need a personal and practical method to help us manage the physical, mental, and emotional aspects of aging wisely in a tranquil and beneficial manner.

      Such a means is found by many in the major techniques of meditation practice, which are easily taken from the cushion or chair into everyday life.  The first step is learning to concentrate or focus.  Using this valuable skill in our lives can produce some really beneficial outcomes.  For example, being recognized as a stable leader, winning ballgames like the Los Angeles Lakers, and being cool headed around the ups and downs of parenting.  The second step is developing a practice called  mindfulness.  Being able to combine our attention with a solid focus allows wisdom to become part of making intelligent decisions at home and at work.  For example, how many people knew that Steve Jobs was a practitioner of Zen meditation?  His mindfulness certainly made Apple a huge success!  The last part of the practice is applying a step called loving kindness.  While the ability to concentrate and pay attention without judging opens us to wisdom, kindness allows us to balance and soften some of the affects that arise as we’ve been applying concentration and mindfulness. This action results in being more considerate and empathetic with ourselves and others.  For instance, instead of ignoring our employees, spouses, or adult children, we take the time to listen and help them solve some really important issues that are mutually productive.  The practice of loving kindness promotes compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity in our lives.

      Thus, after careful consideration of the foregoing information, we may know that we need a support system for daily living to grow older and wiser, one that is both personal and professional.  This means, normally called meditation, allows us to skillfully focus, pay attention, and be kind in the often stressful activities of everyday life.  Being able to remain calm in the face of stress, think clearly, and feel good about one’s actions afterwards is more than a great relief.  As a person in this category, I can’t count the number of times I’ve whispered the word “thanks” to the wonderful teachers who have taught me these skills.  May you, indeed, take advantage of this opportunity to pass through the stages of aging with wisdom.

Through The Eyes Of Aging Wisely

      Certainly, we’ve all heard the expression “Old dogs can’t learn new tricks”.  While I don’t necessarily subscribe to this adage, I do say, “An old dog can look at past experiences and recuperate the lessons that weren’t purposely being taught by the teachers of the moment.”  Of course, this implies using a talent that isn’t normally taught by ordinary instructors, especially those who teach children and teenagers.   This is just one of the valuable lessons I’ve learned as a result of developing a one-day workshop, called “Aging Wisely,” that I’ll soon be giving in Spanish here in Mexico. 

      The research for this project prompted me to look at the commonalities among people of different religions as well as those who aren’t part of any specific faith.  We’re normally taught moral principles to live by, what we need to do to earn a living, and to whom or where we go for help when all else fails.  The ones teaching us begin with the parents and other relatives plus the teachers in schools and religious institutions; subsequently, they are exchanged for trainers, supervisors, coworkers, and community and organizational leaders.  The general methods used to guide us are lecturing, modeling, discussing, testing and experiencing for ourselves.  Learning begins at birth and continues until death—usually.

      All too often, we learn to parrot instead of realize the deeper meaning behind a particular belief or principle, even when it’s not understood by the one giving the lesson.  For example, although basic moral standards are commonly found between Christianity, Buddhism, and Judaism and generally make practical sense, many teenagers rebel to how they are reinforced.  And, of course, such an uprising generally leads to mistakes on the part of those who are revolting as well as the ones attempting to teach and enforce, through no fault of their own, what they perceive as correct.  Finally, the consequences of how we are taught are seen in acts of reactive non thinking which culminate in problems at the highest levels of world societies, not to mention the widespread violence within and between the cultures they lead.

      But when the people who raise and guide others take the time to help them internally realize the ideas and principles they’re being taught, the result is unmistakably peaceful, practical and infinitely valuable.  According to a world renowned teacher, don’t believe anything, try it for yourself and if it’s true for you, accept it; otherwise, let it go and only return to it if it becomes true for you later on.  As I was researching the material for the workshop, I realized how much I’d missed learning as a child and teenager.  If only, I reflected, I’d been taught to speak a principle to myself in which I was being instructed, pause, pay attention to the thoughts, images, and feelings arising from inside my being in response to the tenet, and then repeat this pattern a few more times, culminating in reflecting upon what I’d learned from my natural resources.  Subsequently, if I’d been given the opportunity to inform the teacher of what I’d learned from my inner self and received his or her constructive criticism, that would have improved my learning without suffering any harm, and it’s possible I wouldn’t have become the rebellious youth I was, prone to making mistakes, and parroting things with or without any real truth in them.

      However, this old dog that has seen through the eyes of aging wisely, can now return to those teachings of the past and, perhaps, learn the truth and/or non truths behind them.

AN EMPIRICAL LESSON

      When we’re new to something, we hear the principles we’re being exposed to but usually do not understand or have any realization of them; perhaps, not until much later in life.  Experiences sometimes do come early, yet we may walk away not comprehending the depth of what happened although visibly, mentally, and physically shaken forever by the event.  It may even remain shrouded in a mental veil of mystery for many years.  Numerous long term meditators can most likely recall similar experiences.  It happened to me over 36 years ago, and only in the last year since I started writing this blog have I really begun to realize the value of that singular experience.

      

      Some months before this encounter, I’d been invited by David Shultze, an economics professor at the University of Nebraska at Omaha, to join a small meditation group that was following the teachings of Chogyam Trungpa, a noted Tibetan Buddhist teacher in the Karma Kagyu tradition.  I went, practiced the simple, meditative techniques David taught, found them to be beneficial, and continued to practice meditation with the group as well as at home.  During that period of time, I also read Trungpa’s book called “Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism”; however, while it was eye opening, I must admit that I didn’t understand much of it.

      

      A few months later, David mentioned to me that he was taking a week off from work to do an individual meditation retreat in his home.  Since I was intrigued by his plan, he invited me to join him, so I did.  The schedule was simple.  We started at eight in the morning, sitting 45 minute sessions coupled with 15 minutes of walking meditation, a one hour lunch break at twelve o’clock, and continuing on until five in the afternoon, at which time I went home.

      

      Since I’d never done a retreat like this before, pain and restlessness began in the second hour.  For hours on end, this torture continued, and I even contemplated leaving but I kept on nevertheless.  On about the third day, something happened that changed my effort and motivation completely.

      

      It was in the morning about 10 minutes after we’d started the second or third session and I was fidgeting and changing my position all over the place when, suddenly, a deep, male, baritone voice boomed inside my head saying, “BE HERE NOW!”  I didn’t need to look anywhere to see where this order had come from.  Almost immediately, I went into a very deep and tranquil state of meditation, still very much aware and not completely absorbed, staying that way until David sounded the bell about 30 minutes later.  At lunch, I told him about my experience but he could offer me no satisfying explanation.  I did, at first, suspect it was a glimpse of schizophrenia, but now 36 years later, the voice has never returned nor have any others come along.

      

      Through all this time, I’ve turned those words and the sound of them over and over in my mind, wondering where they’d come from and who the voice was, but nothing has ever come out of this effort.  Certainly, this was the one experience that motivated me to continue meditating, to keep on practicing mindfulness. 

      

      Of course, while the words, “Be Here Now” were quite straightforward, the force of the instruction’s voice sent me into an altered state of consciousness, one that gave me a taste of the pristine clearness and tranquility to which we can open via meditation.  In the moment of the experience, I totally surrendered because I had no time to think of doing otherwise.  It just happened.

      

      Now, all these years later, I’m beginning to comprehend a bit more what “Be Here Now” really means.  Even though I’d previously read the words and instructions of respected teachers regarding awareness, resting in the moment, surrender, meditating on no object, being mindful of the present, seeing things as they actually are, I’d not really come to any lucidity on what I’d heard.

      

      However, when I began writing for my own clarity and peace of mind last year and then started the blog called “Leaving Fear, Arriving At Peace”, that simple instruction I’d received back in ‘76 began to become clearer to me.  In fact, it really dawned on me when I began to prepare a one-day workshop on aging using some of the information in Lewis Richmond’s book, “Aging as a Spiritual Practice:  A Contemplative Guide to Growing Older and Wiser”.  In it, he gives a short story about Ikkyu, a Buddhist teacher who, when asked by an important visitor to write down a word that truly represented his spiritual values, had written “Attention”.  The guest was so astounded by Ikkyu’s response to his question, that he asked him twice more, but each time this wise teacher wrote down “Attention” before his onlooker finally comprehended that he was being taught a very important spiritual lesson. 

      

      Reading this account brought me back to my own empirical lesson “Be Here Now” from so many years before.  Just as Ikkyu’s visitor learned, I now understand that no matter what our particular faith or practice, we all must pay “Attention” or “Be Here Now” to open to a real state of peace and awareness, to experience the very subtle mind whereby we go from concept into knowing.  And, of course, that means surrendering to the moment, resting in true nature, just awareness, or as said in the Christian tradition, divine presence.  However, I do think Mother Teresa said it quite well when she answered the reporter’s question as to how she prayed, “I just listen.”

      

      Taking so much time to begin to understand the “Wakeup Call” I experienced so long ago, however, has been of immense value to me.  It’s allowed me to gain the practice I needed to comprehend the words I experienced from that big, booming voice and come to grips with what I need to do to die peacefully when it’s my time.  Also, it’s allowed me to sample various meditation techniques, read various writings on meditation, hear the words of knowledgeable teachers, and find satisfaction and tranquility in my own meditative practice.  It has even caused me to return with a new understanding to the words of my own Christian upbringing, “Know Thyself” and “Father, Into Your Hands, I Commend My Spirit”.  Thus, “Be Here Now” has become a valuable, empirical lesson, pondered for decades, which has caused me to age wisely, no matter all the trials and tribulations of this lifetime.  In conclusion, as a fellow traveler on the journey of aging, I encourage you to take each empirical lesson on “Attention” and let it simmer just as you would let a very fine wine age into pristine excellence.  Its taste, you’ll never regret.

Managing Pain

      When people are faced with difficulty, at least most of those I’ve ever known, including myself, they wish it would simply GO AWAY, DISAPPEAR, VANISH, never to be heard from again.  Nothing is desired more, I empirically believe, than when you’re experiencing gut wrenching, on-your-knees, nerve-based physical pain that has the distinct possibility of becoming part of your life until you die.  In that moment, you suddenly realize that all the acute and chronic pain you’ve ever theorized about, perhaps even helped others to cure or tolerate, is REAL because it’s IN YOUR LIFE!   No longer an outsider to painful distress, you have the distinct opportunity of BEING the audience and the actor, the observer and the observed, fully involved, whether you want to be or not, not only for your own good but also for those around you.

      What I’ve learned from my own experience with neuropathy and back pain tells me there are a number of things you can do that are beneficial, especially if you are in a state of seemingly, unrelentful hurt.  But for these ideas and techniques to be personally worthwhile, you have to try them for yourself; otherwise, you’ll never really KNOW.    Here are the aids that have helped me:

a.  Identify pain as something you’re experiencing.  This keeps it in the third person, a position from which you can be objective and not wallow in or be swallowed by misery.  After all, there are people who have effectively confronted great personal challenges in life, such as the tragic, personal loss of life or limb and survived quite well.  For example, a carpenter who was in the hospital after having his leg amputated asked himself, “What can I do now that I couldn’t do before?”  He married his nurse!

b.  Don’t identify pain as YOUR PAIN.  Doing so drags you down even farther, and you are in danger of becoming consumed by what you’re feeling.  Depression follows as it seems like there’s no way out of this misery.  Be aware of the pain but not part of it.

c.  Be sensible, you may only be able to bring pain to a manageable level.  When our physical parts wear out, become irreparably injured, or more, we may have to accept that we’re always going to experience some discomfort, if not a lot.  This is the time in our life  where we really need to inform ourselves, see what’s possible, and be willing to test our will and capabilities—it could just be that we might be able to work our way through a great deal of the difficulty we’re facing.

d.  Listen to your doctor, and stay away from addictive pain relievers if possible.  Of course, don’t be afraid to get a second opinion; moreover, if your physician doesn’t seem to be satisfactory, fire him or her and take on someone who can help you.  I would also say that while you are using the services of a doctor, you should also investigate other ways to attain tolerability of the pain.  The best scenario is to have a medical doctor who is fine with alternative methods for controlling the ache you feel.  Stay in control of your care and never settle for a sole provider.

e.  Treat pain with compassion and friendliness.  A really good attitude is to approach this distress as if it were your favorite pet that is in a world of hurt.  Certainly, in that case you would remain reasonably calm, desire to take away the pet’s suffering, and care for it with the utmost of friendliness.  An excellent practice is what the Tibetans call “Taking and Giving”.  You visualize another person experiencing what you are, let that image of him or her turn from pain into smoke, breath it into your heart, imagine it transforming into a pure light, and with your exhalation, let it completely flow back to the person you are seeing in your mind, healing him or her in the process.  Repeat the steps over and over again, and you’ll be surprised by what you experience and learn.  Of course, it’s wise to maintain a positive and caring attitude while doing this exercise.

f.  Ask the pain what it’s doing for you.  Obviously, it’s there to serve an objective that it believes is in your best interest, and trying to communicate with it gives it respect.  When you ask its reason for existing in a calm and caring way, you just may be surprised at how it responds.  You may hear a voice, feel something, or see some images.  If it does respond, continue talking to it and negotiate, for it may simply want you to do something; for example, treat others in a friendlier fashion.  If you give it what it wants, it may provide  you some relief by being less insistent.  Experiment.

g.  Use humor and smile a lot.  When we laugh a lot, it doesn’t only help us forget about the pain for a few moments, it’s also quite therapeutic, for the emotion of amusement comforts the body.  Levity, moreover, overcomes and prevents depression and anger.  Smiling is also therapeutic, for when we smile, there’s a comforting, chemical change in the body.  Try it.  Just smile, slowly, and you’ll immediately experience a change in your physicality.  Almost always, it feels good.

h.  Anchor situations of peace, stability, patience, kindness, and unconditional love.  This is a process that comes from neurolinguistics programming (NLP), whereby you think of a past experience, go into it, feel it, see it, hear it, and then pulse yourself with your fingers about 10 times in a place on your body that is special to you.  Then you go back into the memory and do the same thing again about three more times; that is, until every time you touch the spot, you instantly experience what you did in the memory.  These actions create an anchor for instantaneous recall, an excellent resource you can collapse into the feeling of pain you’re experiencing.  When you bring the memories of peace, stability, patience, kindness, unconditional love, perhaps even stalwart reserve, gently not forcefully, together with the pain you are having, it’s most likely that you’ll experience a lessening of this torture.  I must, of course, say the technique of anchoring requires some experimentation to find out what helps, so it might be a good idea to find a therapist who is familiar with this process.  You can, in just a couple of sessions, learn how to do this for yourself.

i.  Use self-hypnosis.  Only twice in my life have I used this technique to deal with pain.  The first time was when I was bedridden for 30 days with severe back pain, and the second time was when I experienced several weeks of fairly severe discomfort with neuropathy in my upper right back and shoulder and right arm.  Thank goodness I had been trained as a hypnotherapist and thus gained an appreciation and respect for self-hypnosis, for it had taught me how to deal with two difficult situations and allowed me to sleep.  Excellent auto-hypnosis sessions for every imaginable problem are available for downloading from internet.  Find what works and use it again and again.  Remember, you are in control.  Nobody is taking control of your mind, for you are only following the hypnotherapist’s suggestions.  Your mind won’t cooperate with any instruction that runs counter to its beliefs.

j.  Do yoga.  This discipline is excellent, especially the relaxation postures, to support whatever techniques you are using to handle pain.  It may be necessary in the beginning to enlist the aid of a teacher who can help you establish the routine that works best for you, although I’ve found that it’s advantageous to develop enough discipline to practice without the aid of an instructor.  We also need to remember that with age and with the progression of any debilitation, it may be necessary to practice yoga anytime, anywhere, minus the assistance of a teacher.  Always be sensible in recognizing what you can do and cannot do.

k.  Use affirmations.  These are statements you say to yourself to affirm whatever you desire in your life—in this case, to deal with pain.  For example, “I treat the ache I feel as if it were a child in need.  I think kindly and listen to it with a gentle ear.  I place my hands of tender, unconditionally loving care on its brow.  I hold it in my arms with compassion.”  Experiment with different affirmations to find out what works best for you while knowing that it takes time for them to be effective.

l.  Do mindfulnsss meditation.  I highly recommend that you read all that is written by Jon Kabat-Zinn.  He’s one of the world’s most renowned experts for dealing with pain.  Two of his principal methods are yoga and mindfulness, particularly body sweeping, which I used while I was managing the down-on-my-knees, horrendous pain of intense neuropathy.  Mindfulness meditation works directly with the body’s energy.  However, if you’ve never practiced this method before, I suggest you find someone who is trained in it to guide you through its techniques.  Such instructions will serve you for life, even while dying.

m.  Find someone who can give you reiki or therapeutic touch.  This technique works specifically with energy.  My wife’s marvelous hands of reiki helped me to make it through the nights I was deluged with neuropathic pain.  Touch is a natural response to whatever area of our body is hurting, so we can even do this for ourselves.  Simply put your hand on the area of the pain, and imagine breathing through your hand into the hurt you feel.  Be patient and stay with it.  If you pay attention, you’ll find that pain comes and goes—it’s not constant although you really need to be attentive to sense this characteristic.  It can be very gross or extremely subtle.

n.  Use prayer.  No matter what your particular religious affiliation happens to be, do not dismiss the power of prayer.  Even if you have no spiritual beliefs, prayer works anyway, and in this case metta prayers are quite helpful.  For example, “May I quickly learn the lesson of what pain is teaching me.  May I find comfort through being mindful of the stress I feel.  May patience, compassion, and unconditional love flow through me.  May I change what I can change and have the wisdom to know what I cannot.  May I remain positive.”  Again, as with affirmations, experiment.

      

      Fully involved, working with the pain you are experiencing, and being completely attentive to what is happening will probably allow you to learn some of the greatest lessons of your life.  Even though the words of advice and techniques given above encourage you to take skillful action, you cannot substantially do anything REAL with the pain if you believe it is you. That was one of my greatest tendencies I had to overcome, and I believe that many others would say as much.  Moreover, in each of the painful encounters with which we have to deal, it’s best to accept them and ask ourselves to take advantage of all the knowledge we can gain from them, for it might not only help us now but also others in the future.  Such an attitude, in conclusion, lets us serve humanity until our last dying breath.